Jason's knee was injured and he had some other problems and could not continue to be a marine. I think that hurt him more than any of us know. He lived in Sitka and spent time in other areas then came to stay with us in Soddy Daisy, TN. where I had moved and married Gayle.
In Alaska he would spend nights by himself in the woods where the clouds would make it totally dark and where Alaska brown bear could walk up on you at any time. Most men would be afraid to do that but it was a way of life for Jason. One night in Soddy Daisy he wet outside for a walk down to the pond. He came running in looking scarred out of his wits saying something is out there. He said I don’t know what it is but I see lights floating around in the air. I looked and it was fire flies. He had never seen them before and all I could think of is here he is not afraid of total darkness in an area full of bears and fire flies scared him.
We had a great time again but it was short. He moved out to his own place and was going to school. He had some problems again and returned to Alaska. I did not see him again.
He met and married a woman who I never got to meet. They were together for several years then she was found to have cancer. She died in Sitka a after a short time of treatment. I understand it was really tough on Jason. She was cremated and there was no formal service. He placed her ashes on her father's grave and at a beach they liked to visit. He kept some of the ashes. I am told Jason wanted to be cremated and did not want a formal service. Everything in my heart said to go to Sitka when Jimmy and Justin went to be with their mother and the rest of the family but my mind said I should not go. I am afraid I caused too much pain for Robyn and I just could not do anything that would cause her any more.
I had a ring, watch band and tie tack of Alaskan gold and jade that the boys were to inherit from me. I had decided not to have them wait and gave the ring and watch band to Jimmy and Justin. The tie tack was for Jason but I never had a chance to give it to him. I had thought I would put it with him when he was buried but that can not happen. I think I will put the tie tack in my display case and save to be buried with me. I will also put one of the Susan B Anthony coins with the tie tack. I am hoping that will give me a little of the closer of a memorial service.
Jason was troubled but he was still a great person. A lot of people in Soddy Daisy met him and even though he has not been here for a long time he is remembered and will be missed. Gayle is in almost as much pain as I am. I have delivered hundreds of death messages during my years as an officer but I could not have even begun to understand the pain they would have. I thank God he is with me and comforts me but it still is the worst pain a man can feel.
I was not the father I should have been. I was not the husband I should have been. I could only ask for God to forgive me and please take care of my children. I do not know why he chose to take Jason now. I just hope and pray that Jason knew Jesus and I will see him some day.
Jason I love you and I miss you so very much. I think I always will.
It was not supposed to be this way.
Jason I Love You
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